I’ve been dreading this upcoming weekend – the same one I couldn’t wait for at this time last year. The one where finally Quinn would understand who “Mama” is. The one where now I find myself without my own to celebrate with, now unwilling part of the group dubbed as Motherless Daughters. I can’t wrap my head around Mother’s Day without my mother. It seems impossible, but yet it’s there – looming on the calendar and fast approaching just the same.
I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to do as much as I could to make the most of it. In keeping with my focus for the year, I wanted to do so in a personal way way that worked for me. I’ve been getting swamped with Mother’s Day promotions from all sorts of companies. It’s everywhere you turn – from TV to social media to workplace conversations. Instead fighting it or trying to ignoring it, I decided to embrace it. Force myself to get through this extra painful first one. Have I broken down in tears over the last week? Yes. Will I do it again? Probably yes. Do I feel at least a bit better for the different things I’m doing to try to have a good attitude and embrace the day? Absolutely.
I wanted to share a few of these things I’ve been doing in case they’re helpful to anyone else going through the same thing.
Cards for mother friends. I love cards. Love them. Every year, I’d spend great care picking out the best card for my mom. I selected not one but four cards, this time for some of the best moms I know in my life. I’m sad to not give one to my mom but it gives me some joy to know I’m sharing some with some of my good friends. Credit to some of the ladies in the NJ Motherless Daughters group for the great idea.
Tap into a community. I was so excited earlier this week to choose gifts for a gift exchange I was paired up for via the Modern Loss Facebook group. I cried when I saw the other person went through something so similar. It feels really special to be chosen as her person for this – to get to send her a small gift and card to help her through this tough time.
Doing what feels right on Sunday. No one knows you like you. I made the decision to not shy away from the day and so my plans for Sunday reflect that. Not everyone is going to feel like that – and maybe that will even change from year to year. That’s ok too. My sister and I decided doing something together in the morning with just us. We are then doing lunch as a family, along with a cake to honor my mom.
Write it out. This has been such a big part of getting through the past several months and this week, in particular. I’ve been focusing on a piece I’m doing on my mom. I’ve also been letting my emotions dictate where my writing goes. I’ll be sharing a set of writing prompts soon I’ve been working on with lots of ideas specific to memorializing family members.
Take help where offered. I haven’t been shying away from talking about this when it comes up and I’ve been open to things this week that will help me in this rough stretch. I’m attending a Modern Loss event on Thursday with their co-author and co-founder Rebecca Soffer and co-author of Just Sit Sukey Novogratz. And on Saturday, I’m joining a free call that Claire Bidwell Smith and Hope Edelman are doing (promises to be great if you’re interested – more info here.)
Treat yourself. I decided to do a little something for myself so I’d have a surprise coming to look forward to. I have a cute summery dress and a tote bag from Draper James coming this weekend (the tote bag appropriately mentions mom). I’ve resisted so long that allowing myself to click to purchase helped me to smile for a bit and I know my mom would approve.
What other ways have you found helpful to get through difficult holidays like this? Share them in the comments.
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